i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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