Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
