Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
