well I can't set my house on fire every night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
