If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
