Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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