I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
