my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
