I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
