No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
