Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize