Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
