I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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