if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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