Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
