Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
