we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
