he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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