call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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