He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
