His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
high people should be assigned attendants
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
