At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
