Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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