I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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