Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
