apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think your dad took our porno
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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