I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
