I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
