is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
