that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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