as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
