Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
