I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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