I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
