ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
