I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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