I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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