We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize