If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
