I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
