the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
