So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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