____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
