nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
please don't ironically join a cult
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