Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think my vagina is haunted
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
