id be glad to
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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