I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
