UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
