Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
