I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
