At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
