do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize