2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
