Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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