Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
