what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
