i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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