once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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