i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
