I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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