I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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