I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've blown a few things in my day
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize