don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
