I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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