**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
