I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
