I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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