Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
