She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
