i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
