Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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