I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
