Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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