i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
