Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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